


The Elevator

by Ketita



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Art, Gunshot Wounds, Humor, M/M, Parody, Past Jean Kirstein/Eren Yeager, Past Levi/Erwin Smith, Ravens, Romance, Stripping, Terrorists, Trapped In Elevator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-21
Updated: 2014-09-21
Packaged: 2018-02-18 05:53:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2337602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ketita/pseuds/Ketita
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren, a stripper on the way to a gig, accidentally walks into an elevator with the most powerful man in the country, and sparks fly. Will their budding relationship survive multiples exes, terrorists hell-bent on their destruction, and their own conflicted pasts?</p><p>A love story in fifty floors.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Elevator

**Author's Note:**

> A beautiful fic for a terrible friend -- sorry, I mean a terrible fic for a beautiful friend, momoicchi27, who had a birthday and in her wisdom decided that this fic was what she, and the world, needed to receive. It says much about me that I invested as much time and energy writing it for her that I did.
> 
> Momoicchi, I love you, and I hope you view every word of this terrible thing as a testament to my everlasting appreciation of you. 
> 
> All the colors are real. I worked very hard to find them.

“There’s the elevator!” Eren says and rushes ahead to catch the doors.

“Eren, wait!” Mikasa calls back. She’s always trying to hold him back. Don’t run across lobbies in fancy buildings to catch elevators, don’t stay up late, wait wait wait. Eren makes it just as the shiny chrome doors are closing. He skids to a stop and whirls to toss her a grin. Evidently thinking that Eren will hold the door for her Mikasa slows down, so Eren sticks out his tongue, and slams the button to close the door.

“Eren!” Mikasa shouts, and her furious face is cut off by Eren’s reflection on the mirrored interior.

The 50th floor is his destination. He hits the button and leans back against the side of the elevator, childishly pleased with himself.

Only then does he notice he’s not alone in the elevator. There’s another man, short and dark-haired, wearing an impeccably tailored suit. His face is grumpy, but in an incredibly sexy way. He may in fact have the sexiest face Eren has seen in his life. It’s the kind of face Eren would like to sit on. Something about him is oddly familiar, but Eren can’t place it.

The elevator is on the move, so Eren decides to entertain himself. The man looks rich, and Eren isn’t above the idea of a sugar daddy. Besides, a little making-out in an elevator never hurt anybody.

“I’m Eren,” he says cheerfully.

The man is utterly nonplussed to be addressed so directly, but answers anyway with a soft snort. “Levi Ackerman.”

Eren’s jaw drops. “Levi- Levi Ackerman _the President_?”

“You might remember me from being on the news last night,” Levi-Mr.-President says, obviously amused though it’s not clear how Eren can tell. His scowl doesn’t seem to have changed.

“I don’t watch news at night,” Eren blurts.

The President raises an eyebrow at him.

“Because I’m a stripper.”

“Ah,” the President says, and now he’s eyeing Eren with some interest. Best sugar daddy ever, Eren thinks.

The number on the small screen above the doors switches to 2, Eren notices. What a slow elevator.

Well, he’s got time. Best get his plan going. Though, he does actually wonder-

“Aren’t you supposed to have security, Mr. President?” Eren asks.

“Just call me Levi,” he says. He moves fast; clearly a side-effect of making life-or-death decisions on a regular basis. “I ditched them. It’s just a few stories up, and there’s security all over anyway.”

“Really?” Eren says, trying to think if there had been any security. He dimly remembers some shouting when he’d dashed madly into the building away from Mikasa.

“It’s the Parliament Building,” Levi says. “Of course there is.”

“Oh,” says Eren. He gulps. “I think I might be in the wrong place.”

“What _are_ you here for?”

“I’m supposed to do a dance for somebody,” Eren says. “50th floor. His name’s Pixis.”

“That fucking horny shithead,” Levi growls, suddenly looking very dangerous. “So that’s why he couldn’t have that meeting at 11:00!” He glares right at Eren, his gaze intimidating, but his eyes are very pretty. Eren had never considered it before, but perhaps he’ll have to make a point to watch the news in the future. Alone. With a box of tissues handy.

“Hey kid. I’ll pay you double to stand him up.”

“Deal,” Eren says promptly. Levi looks slightly surprised. “I mean, that’s a lot of money,” Eren elaborates, making Levi wonder if he should reconsider the offer. “Besides, you’re the President.”

“I am,” Levi says, just a bit smug.

Well, time to go for it. Eren stands in the middle of the elevator, making sure he’s very visible, and starts undoing the top buttons of his shirt.

“What are you doing?” Levi says. He stands up a bit straighter though, and his eyes are on Eren’s collarbone. He clearly knows _exactly_ what Eren is doing.

“No touching is the rule,” Eren says, because rules are rules. Even for the President. That’s the meaning of democracy. Levi, however, looks very much like he’ll break it and Eren finds himself thinking that he doesn’t really mind.

He sways a bit, works a few more buttons open, and undulates some more. Levi is watching him like a hawk, interested, but his eyebrows are pulled together in what looks a bit like pain. Eren tries harder, but to no avail.

He drops his hands and slumps in defeat, unable to meet Levi’s eyes as he confesses, “It’s no use. I can’t dance to elevator music.”

The screen switches to 3.

“It’s okay,” Levi says, taking a step towards Eren. His voice is low and gruff, and Eren is startled into looking up to meet his intense eyes. “Because-“

But Eren will never know what Levi was going to say because at that moment the elevator doors open to admit more people.

Or rather, one more person, but he has enough presence for at least five, and he’s holding the leash of a large golden retriever to boot. The man is tall and built like a brick shithouse. A very attractive brick shithouse, with blond hair and piercing blue eyes that seem to see no one but Levi. Eren feels a curl of jealousy in his stomach because the way Levi looks at him and then pointedly looks away is extremely suspicious.

“Erwin,” Levi says coolly.

“Levi,” the man replies, showing that he is clearly among the circle whom the President invites to call him by his first name. Then again, considering that it took him all of two minutes to tell Eren to call him that, it probably doesn’t mean much. “How have you been?”

“Watch the news,” Levi grumbles.

“I didn’t ask how the President is,” Erwin says with a soft smile. “I asked how _you_ are.”

Smoother than an iced-over oil slick. Eren wants to tear out his throat with his teeth. At least the charm isn’t working particularly well on Levi in this case, because he huffs and looks at Eren.

“This is Erwin,” he says. “He’s my _ex_.” The emphasis on a _past_ relationship, over and done with. “He’s a professional dog-walker.”

Eren is very marginally interested in spite of himself. Erwin responds as if Eren had asked, beaming.

“It’s a funny story!” he says. “One day I get a call inviting me to come to the Presidential Residence because there was a dog that needed walking.”

“Nile,” Levi says, “my chief of security.” This is clearly both the aforementioned “dog” and the name of the man who just stumbled into the elevator a bare second before the doors closed. Levi frowns at the interruption.

“Are we telling this story _again_?” Nile complains. He is very much not a dog. “I’m leaving.”

But the elevator doors have already closed.

“It was a joke,” Levi tells Eren.

“It was a terrible joke,” Nile says.

“I thought it was funny,” Erwin puts in.

“Because he dogs my steps,” Levi tells Eren.

“I figured,” Eren says. “Being a stripper doesn’t make me an idiot. I’m double majoring in jewelry design and astrophysics.”

Levi is impressed. “…Doesn’t mean you can read, though,” he says, to cover it up. “So I call up Erwin, and when he shows up-“

“I forgot all about dogs,” Erwin says, his stare growing heated. Electricity is practically crackling between him and Levi.

“And Levi forgot all about the country,” Nile says with an air of long-suffering. “You remember the economic crisis two years ago? It’s because they didn’t leave his room for a week.”

Levi makes a cutting motion with his hand. “That’s ancient history,” he says. “We broke up. I needed space. I needed to get my life together.”

“Using the National Guard to evict me was unnecessary,” Erwin says.

“I couldn’t deal with you,” Levi says. “I had to make a clean break and move on. Also there were elections.”

“I hope you’re happy,” Erwin says. “Now you’re going after teenagers?” He motions at Eren.

“I’m doing my Master’s degree,” Eren says, annoyed.

“You always judge people,” Levi says, shuffling closer to Eren. “It’s why we broke up!”

“Are we doing this now?” Erwin asks.

“No.” Levi crosses his arms. “We’re all adults here.”

They all stand in awkward silence broken only by the terrible elevator music. Levi uncrosses and recrosses his arms. Eren shifts from foot to foot. Nile stands stiff and serious, looking the part of an agent perfectly in his black suit and sunglasses.

“What floor are you getting off?” Levi asks.

“Thirty-seven,” Erwin says.

“Fuck.”

On the fifth floor, they are joined by several more secret service men in dark suits and sunglasses who fill up the empty space in the center of the elevator. Eren sidles over to make room, which puts him right next to Levi, who gives him a pointed glance out of the corner of his eye.

The suited men have cut the two of them off from Erwin’s line of sight, so Eren decides to seize the sugar daddy. He slides a hand over to Levi while keeping his eyes nonchalantly forward. He is so nonchalant about it that he accidentally manages to fumble his hand right over the crotch of Levi’s pants.

Eren flushes scarlet. Levi makes a very, very tiny choked sound.

 _What now_? Eren thinks, panicked. If he pulls away it will be clear that it was a mistake and he will never live it down. The only option is to forge ahead. Also Levi feels extremely well-endowed and Eren wants to get more of an idea of what the President is packing. For science. And for the aforementioned news-watching sessions. So Eren slides his hand down slightly, letting the palm of his hand caress the front of Levi’s pants while his fingers curve downwards.

“I thought you said no touching,” murmurs Levi. He is staring stoically off into the distance and pretending to be bored.

“I do what I want,” says Eren. He wonders if this is okay. Then again, if Levi doesn’t want it, he can have his security men throw Eren out of the elevator.

Eren nearly jumps out of his skin when a strong hand grips him through his pants.

“Hey!” he squeaks.

“I’m the President,” Levi growls. “And you started it.”

Nile looks pained and glares off into the distance fiercely.

“Good boy,” Erwin says to the dog, falsely cheerful. “Who’s a good boy?”

“They said this was a prestigious job,” whispers a security woman, because they are very egalitarian here and women can have whatever jobs they want.

“Shut the fuck up, Petra,” snaps Nile.

On the sixth floor, Jean gets onto the elevator. He’s wearing an outrageously ugly uniform and carrying a package.

“Eren,” he says, somehow managing to see him even past all the security people. Eren drops his hand from Levi’s crotch. Levi frowns, which makes Eren realize that he hadn’t actually been frowning until now.

“You haven’t been returning my calls,” Jean says.

All attention in the elevator immediately shifts to Eren, and a path between him and Jean is cleared, to better showcase the drama.

“We broke up three weeks ago,” Eren says.

“We made out last Tuesday.”

“That was a mistake.”

“Is he bothering you?” Levi asks, clamping a hand on Eren’s hip.

“Oh, is that how it is?” Jean sneers.

“He’s not bothering me more than usual,” Eren says.

“I’ll get rid of him for you,” Levi says. His dark gaze promises pain.

“You can’t!” Jean says, just a bit high pitched. “It’s a free elevator!”

“It’s _my_ building.”

“The government belongs to the people! I’m allowed to be here!”

“Just shut up.”

“Freedom of speech!” Jean squawks.

Erwin turns a snigger into a sneeze. Nile continues to stare stoically off into the distance.

Levi looks frustrated, and before he’s thought about the consequences, Eren puts a comforting hand on his shoulder. He’s dealt with Jean. He knows what it’s like.

When the shoulder stiffens and Levi looks up at him Eren realizes what he’s done and tries to snatch his hand back, but Levi grabs it with lightning-quick reflexes and keeps it there.

They look at each other, stormy orbs and cerulean turquoise locked together as if there is nobody else in the elevator.

“Eren,” Levi says softly. It’s been so long since somebody has taken care of him. “I’ve been lonely,” he confesses.

“I drink coffee with him every morning,” mutters a security man. “Just today we were talking about-“

“Shut the fuck up, Auruo,” says Nile.

“I feel so empty,” Eren says. “Stripping is a way to get back at parents who never gave me enough attention, but is ultimately an attempt to fill my heart with the empty adulation of people who are sexually dissatisfied and looking for a fleeting fantasy.”

“Nobody forced you to become a stripper,” mutters Jean. “You have a scholarship-“

“Shut the fuck up, Jean,” says the raven.

Everybody stares.

“Why is there a bird in here?” Levi asks.

“Ah,” Erwin says.

“You’re a _dog_ walker.” Levi frowns.

“Its name is Dog,” says Erwin, a bit sheepish.

Eren and Levi hold hands all the way to the eighth floor and make eyes at each other, while Jean and Erwin try to simultaneously glare and pretend they aren’t. They meet with moderate success.

The doors open on the ninth floor to three figures in black catsuits with their faces hidden behind masks. AK47 fire strafes the inside of the elevator, mowing down a whole row of security people. Bullets _pling_ off of various surfaces, and Eren can dimly hear someone screaming loudly. It’s probably him.

 _Protect Levi_ , Eren thinks and prepares himself to take a bullet for his President. Not just because the country will be thrown into chaos if the president is gunned down in an elevator in the middle of the Parliament building, but because the world without Levi in it will be a bleak and dour place. It’s unclear how this is possible, given that Levi is an extraordinarily dour individual, but true nonetheless. Perhaps two negatives make a positive.

So Eren throws himself in front of Levi with his arms out.

Erwin throws himself forward as well and manages to slam the ‘close doors’ button. The doors slide shut on the rain of bullets, but when they’re moving again –

“Erwin!” Levi gasps and darts around Eren to where Erwin has slumped on the floor, left hand clutched around his right bicep, which is gushing blood.

“’Tis but a flesh wound,” Erwin grits. Levi punches him on the (injured) arm in a frustrated expression of worry.

“You idiot,” Levi says. “I’ve got security men for that.”

Many of whom are lying dead in the middle of the elevator. Eren isn’t particularly shocked by the blood and carnage, given his secret dark childhood as a murderer, but the pile of bodies is impressive and will probably start smelling soon. Anyway, Eren’s more annoyed at how Levi is worrying over Erwin, now biting off part of his sleeve to make a tourniquet. He’s ignoring Eren, who wishes _he_ had been the one to take the bullet.

He doesn’t notice Jean, who is glaring daggers at Levi because he wishes Eren would bother worrying about him once in a while. Eren never volunteered to take a bullet for him.

“I’m fine, thanks for asking,” Nile says over their heads. Clearly he feels no shame at the breach in security. “Also I have a first-aid kit.”

“We don’t need it,” Levi says, apparently greatly enjoying the feel of being fingers-deep in Erwin’s bicep trying to fish out the bullet. Erwin is torn between being appreciative of the attention and crying in pain.

They pause on the tenth floor to lever the bodies out of the elevator. They leave a nasty smear of blood all down the middle of the elevator, but at least now there’s more space to move and fewer dead eyes staring at all of them.

On the twelfth floor, the doors open on a figure in a long coat and glasses, whose sable hair is tied back in a ponytail. He takes in the scene of carnage.

“I’m a doctor,” says Grisha Yeager.

Eren lets out an unholy shriek of rage. His smaragdine eyes practically glow with ferocity and he pulls a Swiss Army Knife out of his pocket and leaps to attack. But instead of sinking his screwdriver into Grisha’s throat, he crashes face-first into the closing door. He falls to the floor in a twitching heap, but his fury is cut by the sight of Levi hovering over him, a concerned look in his xanadu eyes.

“You’re so hot when you’re bloodthirsty,” Levi says.

“That was my asshole dad,” Eren replies. He would have sat up, because his back is in the puddle of blood that still stains the center of the elevator, but he’s got his head in Levi’s lap and is unwilling to give ground. From the corner of his eye he can see both Erwin and Jean glaring daggers.

“I was raised by an asshole, too,” Levi says. Understanding crackles between them. They hold hands.

Erwin gives a piteous moan.

“Nile, see what he needs,” Levi says, still staring into Eren’s emeraldine eyes. Erwin sighs.

A new posse of security people enter on the fifteenth floor and they all have to shift around to accommodate them. Jean is no longer carrying his box, having opted to set it on the floor because the ride is so long. The raven, Dog, perches on it and refuses to budge even though Jean would very much like to sit.

Just past the sixteenth floor the elevator suddenly jolts to a stop that flings them all into awkwardly sexual positions all over each other. The ceiling is torn off the elevator, to reveal a man in a cowboy hat aiming two guns at the passengers.

"Bang bang!" the man shouts.

Levi's eyes narrow and he picks himself up from where he is sprawled attractively across Nile’s crotch.

"Kenny," he growls.

“Did you miss me, boy?” Kenny says gleefully.

Levi curls his lip disdainfully and then turns to Eren. “This is _my_ asshole father,” he explains.

Eren has to admit, he’s more embarrassing than Grisha. Kenny, angry at being ignored, proceeds to shoot up the elevator, but is stalled by Levi’s sudden demonstration of martial arts skills. Either Levi has wires installed to help him with aerial karate maneuvers, or he is actually Batman.

“But I’m not here for _you_ ,” Kenny cackles, “I’m here for _him_.” And he lunges at Eren.

Eren has a shocked moment of fear during which his life flashes before his eyes, only it involves giant man-eating monsters so it’s probably not actually his. It is the look on Levi’s face that brings him back to himself, a look of worry and caring, a look that says that Levi will be devastated to lose him. So Eren shakes off his fear and, before the gun in Kenny’s hand can collide with the side of his head, pulls out his Swiss Army Knife and stabs blindly. Kenny jerks away with a cry of pain and then Levi pulls Eren away from the cowboy-hatted madman and attacks with a flurry of blows.

He manages to kick Kenny somewhere off into the elevator shaft, the words “I’LL BE BAAaaaack” slowly fading with distance. Levi lands in the middle of the elevator, suit torn enticingly. There is a single, aesthetic trickle of blood at the corner of his mouth; his face is hardly bruised, allowing no unsightly swelling to mar the beauty of his features.  

“Let me,” Eren says huskily, when Levi goes to dab at the blood. He licks it up with his tongue and hopes not to contract a horrible blood-transmitted disease. “You saved my life,” he adds.

“I know,” Levi replies, smug.

“I think I’ve been shot,” one of the new security people says weakly.

“But he wanted to use me against you!” Eren protests. “We can’t-”

Levi’s hand on his mouth cuts him off. “I would never let anything happen to you.”

“I got kidnapped by terrorists once,” Erwin says.

“You’re here now, aren’t you,” Levi snaps. “And that was only once.”

“There was also the-”

“Do you _mind_?” Levi turns back to Eren, determined to recapture the mood. They shift closer to each other and concentrate.

It’s like the rest of the elevator has ceased to exist. Levi’s cinereous orbs drown in Eren’s shimmering sea-green pools. Levi’s pupils are blown with arousal, and Eren is sure Levi can see the way his pulse beats in his throat. They are having an excellent moment going when, unsurprising given the amount of damage contracted, the elevator shudders to a halt past the seventeenth floor and the lights go out.

Now! Eren reaches for Levi and for one glorious moment their lips are locked together in a heated kiss, tongues doing their best impression of the battle of Waterloo as they fight for dominance. Levi tastes like cinnamon (unclear why), blood, and a unique taste which is distinctly _Levi_. It is intoxicating. It’s a shame it didn’t last more than about ten seconds before at least three more bodies join the fray, and Eren finds himself momentarily separated from Levi, unable to tell who’s who in the pitch-black tangle of limbs scrabbling across the floor of the elevator.

“Gross,” comes Levi’s voice from somewhere to the right. “I touched the blood.”

Eren throws himself in the direction of the voice. It would have been more successful had everybody else in the elevator not done the same thing. Eren manages to lock lips with someone unfamiliar and has a flash of victory before realizing that that's definitely stubble against his chin and Levi doesn't have stubble.

The lights flash on momentarily to reveal the scene: Erwin on top of Levi with a hand practically down his pants, Nile's face up in Eren's, Jean hugging the dog, the raven flapping wildly around the ceiling.

Then the lights flicker off again. After a few moments of scuffling everyone seems to have calmed down.

"Eren?" Levi asks.

"Levi," Eren replies into the dark.

"Eren," Levi repeats, and thus through multiple renditions of each other's names, each one more breathy than the last, they manage to find each other and clasp hands. Somebody else makes gagging sounds, which they ignore. They sit curled together for a few minutes, and then shift closer. Eren slips his hands under Levi's shirt to check out the Presidential Sixpack, and squeaks softly when Levi decides to grope his ass.

"Be gentle with me," Eren says. "It's my first time." That fling with the three guys in the truckstop shortly before he had gotten on the elevator didn't count; they hadn't gone all the way. Eren was saving himself for the right one. He might be a stripper, but who says strippers can't be romantic?

"Really?" Levi says.

"Yes," says Jean, aggrieved.

"Had I known you were in my future," Levi says, clearly overcompensating for his earlier impromptu make-out session with Erwin, "I would never have gotten involved with anyone else."

Erwin lets out a fatalistic sigh, and turns to eye Jean speculatively.

With no clear explanation why, the elevator lights suddenly come on and it resumes its upward movement. Perhaps it had decided that there is no more drama to be had at the moment.

 

* * *

 

_Epilogue – approximately 30 floors later_

The screen shows floor 49. One more floor and they will reach their destination.

Levi and Eren are alone in the elevator now, holding each other's hands and watching the screen in silence.  When they arrive, they will have to part ways. This idyll, this time they had together away from the world and its demands will be over, never to return.

Once those doors open, they will have to step back into the reality of obligations and constraints, and possibly file police reports concerning the terrorists on the ninth floor, Kenny’s attack, the mysterious animal noises heard through the doors on the 28th floor, and the alien abduction. Also, somebody should probably look into that odd, dark corridor that appeared between the 44th and 45th floors. 

They are surrounded by evidence of their time together, the good and the bad. The broken wheelchair lies in the corner of the elevator, unusable ever since the wheel got bent out of shape. On the walls hang the pictures from Levi’s painting phase, though most of the pots of acrylic paint have since dried out. The brightly-colored surfboard is against another wall, the tip of the anvil barely visible behind it. The UAE coins and bills are neatly stacked, because while they may not have a closet to store them in, that doesn’t mean Levi will tolerate more of a mess than necessary. And there’s more - the tea set, the garden hose, the pile of paper shrimp...

"I'll never forget you," Eren says, gazing adoringly into Levi's taupe-grey eyes.

Levi is looking back at him, and Eren can see that he is currently wearing the lovestruck version of his usual murderous expression.

"Eren," he says quickly. "We have such little time left - but I have to tell you - nobody else has ever made me feel the way you do. Eren, I want you by my side forever. Even after those doors open and I go back to being the President and you go back to being a stripper who got bought off on his way to a gig." Levi pulls out a box which opens to show a gorgeous diamond ring. "Eren, will you marry me?"

"Yes!" Eren cries.

They are on the 50th floor. The doors open on Armin and Mikasa, who stare aghast at the sight before them.

The blood on the elevator’s floor resembles nothing so much as scarlet rose petals, and Eren, in a pristine white suit, is held in Levi's arms.

The elevator music sounds like cherub song.

"Look!" Eren says, showing off his massive rock.

"IT'S BEEN TEN BLOODY MINUTES," Mikasa bellows. "I LEFT YOU ALONE FOR TEN. BLOODY. MINUTES. IN AN ELEVATOR!"

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to doughtier and marju for betaing (or rather, repeatedly spittaking and tell me 'yes keep that'), and to excusemethat'smypizza for encouragement.


End file.
